Guns N' Roses: Chinese Democracy, Nov. 23

Have you heard?! Or have you been under a freaking rock?! Guns n' Roses! They're back! Chinese Democracy! Fire up the old Chevy Camaro and slick back that mullet. We're gonna rock out like it's...1991. Hmm.

Ok, they're a little outdated, but Axl and the boys are back to do what they do best! Rock out hard! Can you imagine the ensuing world tour coming to a major arena near you? Think of Axl coming out with his trademark bandana and...dreadlocks. But then comes out Slash and McKagen! Or you know... Dizzy Reed and Robin Finck. Close enough right?

The album's been a work in progress over the past 17 years. Fans should be getting quality right? The thing's been tweaked and speculated over for the better part of two decades. I wonder if there are any collaborators? What's that? Shaquille O'Neil reportedly rapped on a track? Former Skid Row frontman and permanent VH1 resident Sebastian Bach sang on a track? Wow. Uh, way to throw back guys.

So yeah. The fact of the matter is Chinese Democracy could either be the worse thing mankind has ever recorded on purpose, or relatively listenable. It won't be Guns n' Roses. It won't live up to the hype. It can't. The only thing we can hope for is for it to rise briefly above mediocrity to satisfy fans, and then plummet (and hopefully take Axl along for the ride). It's nice that Rose managed to deliver the album almost within the same century as his last, but after 17 years of waiting, how much does anyone care anymore?

Who knows? Maybe I'm just a cynic and the album will be fantastic. All I'm saying is that if you are one of those mulleted, chain smoking, wanna-be bikers who's waiting for the great second coming, well you might want to get back under that rock I mentioned.